I sit here wondering what life has in store for me positive thoughts you know. Good things happy things, things i will accomplish and do and be successful.

Then it hit me depression I cry as I type this what happened? I was doing so good I bragged about being stable about things working out for me things getting better medicine working times changing. Then it hit me.

This mood of depression is debilitating, I havent moved much today, not leaving the bed. It hit me Ive been depressed all day and didnt even realize it till it hit me hard just a few moments ago. What the hell is wrong with me, why cant I be manic all the time? Why cant I feel manic for very long why cant I just feel good. That's all I want.

This is killing me a little each swing. Im not to the point of hurting myself or having sui thoughts well those are there but not bad. I cant stand these swings. I wish I could be normal for a very long moment. I get two months then hospital 2 months then hospital 2 months hospital. WTF IS going on with me.
Rant over
Thanks