Things have been very stressful in my marriage lately, although this has been an ongoing thing over the years. This latest episode started a few months ago. I had just finished my degree in June and took my state boards in late July. My husband has dealt with the finances for many years, and I learned a while ago not to question his decisions on our finances. He gets very defensive and angry- but in the past I have felt (or been made to feel?) that since he was the primary breadwinner, I didn't have as much say in the matter, that I should just trust his judgement. We have been struggling financially for quite some time, partly due to me being in nursing school full-time and not being able to work a whole lot. As soon as I knew I passed my boards, I began my job hunt. My husband warned me that we were in danger of having our house go into foreclosure, but I didn't know what else to do except keep hunting for a job. I know our mortgage co. was sending him letters telling him to contact them for help, but it seemed (to me anyways) that he just expected me to land that "dream job" and save us from this. I begged him not to wait and to try to prevent this, but I don't think he ever contacted them. Our house went into foreclosure right before I landed a part time job. He wanted our family to move into my in-laws home, which is in the town we grew up, about 150 miles from where we are now, instead of trying to get our home out of foreclosure. I was a little suspicious of this, given that earlier this year (months before the foreclosure) my FIL passed away and my MIL asked if we would move into their home, given that when she passes away, my husband would inherit the house anyways. They have an apartment attached to the house that she would move into. We had talked about that option at that time, and decided that it wouldn't be a good thing for our family- we have 3 teenagers and they didn't want to leave their friends and changes schools, etc. Also, my one daughter is special needs, and the move would require me to find new specialists and new nursing staff for her, as well as dealing with a new school system that isn't particularly great in special education needs. I really had no desire to move back to my hometown, even if it meant we wouldn't have a house payment.
Anyways, back to the foreclosure. My husband blamed me for letting the house go into foreclosure, saying that I didn't care. And if I didn't care, why should he care, and that's when he said we'll just move. When my husband suggested we just move in with the MIL, I told him that he could, but I would not. The kids told him the same- that they didn't want to move.
Another issue that has come up in this time is that we are preparing to start working on guardianship for my daughter. I have ALWAYS been the one to deal with everything with her- her education, her medical needs and appointments, hiring and scheduling her nurses. My husband has always left all of it up to me, and has rarely attended any meetings or appointments in 15 years. I have talked at length with her HCP's regarding the issue of guardianship. He decided to contact a lawyer to start on guardianship, which was fine. I went to email the lawyer because I wanted to clarify how the guardianship needed to be set up, because when I tried to explain it to my husband multiple times, he didn't seems to understand what I was saying. When my husband saw that I was emailing the lawyer, he exploded, yelling that I was just trying to take things over and confuse things so that he wouldn't know what was going on. It took me completely off guard, because that wasn't my intention at all, and had no idea why he was so angry.
Since then, communication has deteriorated steadily. We barely talk. He will call me on the phone on his way home from work, but once he gets home, he sits in front of the computer playing games all night. There is absolutely no affection from him- no touching, hugging, kissing- nothing. In the beginning of this I still tried to talk and be affectionate, but got to the point like I felt like I was begging for some scrap of acknowledgement from him. I've given up at this point. Sorry this is so long and rambling. There's a lot more to this story, but I figured I'd just post the most current issues.