I'm sorry your having such a hard time and feeling so badly about T right now.

Have you tried doing what T wants you to do?? I know for me I would fight and fight T and when I finally was able to drop me defenses some and listened to T, and did what T wanted me to do, it was one of the best things I did. It was a huge fear to let go of complete control and trust T enough to do what she asked me to do, but I did it and I haven't regretted it yet.