Ryuken,

No Cake gave really great advice, and talking to them about it as well. Also in the apoach No Cake gave to talk to them.

I grew up like that too. In an extremely controlled environment, very fundamental and old fashioned traditional expect to say also abusive. And this can be also considered a bit abusive even if that is not their intentions. I mean that in the sense of not allowing you to be a person in your own right. No friends, no TV, no "worldly" influences, no contact with any relatives except maybe 4 very rarely, private religious schools, free time filled with religious studies, and we moved about every 6 months, every aspect of our lives was controlled. If I was allowed to walk to the store my father would follow us without our knowledge.. no trust.

When I was 13 my family fell apart. My parents did a complete turn around at that point. By 14 I had been abandoned by both parents and was living on the streets with zero skills for that. But I did figure it out.... Eventually. Things got much worse in my case before they got better. But I don't think that will be the case for you. If I could turn it around, I believe you can too.

You are still young and you now do get to decide how you live. And you parents do not need to know everything now .. No Cake is right about that.

A doctor could perhaps help you get some therapy for the emotional issues. You might not need that like Roadie said, I had so many issues I really needed it to heal. That might be a big help to you if you feel you need extra help with that. Also probably working on your self esteem, it is not easy to have a good healthy sense of self if you were never even allowed to be a self at all.

Also if you do a google search for Jon Kabot Zinn, he has a lot of videos on youtube about mindfulness and a lot of good books as well. Mindfulness is extremely helpful in learning how to not live in the past, or spend our time worrying about the future. Learning just how to be aware and in the present moment right now. Also how to be aware of the emotions and how to let them go so they do not rule your life. This could really help you with the thoughts, stress, emotions and healing, not to mention give you the ability to handle the future well and at peace. Sometimes we just let the mind go where ever it wants in thoughts and that causes us so many problems, we can learn to become more aware and direct where and what the mind gets up too.

I hope you give that a try, it has helped me in my own life so much.

You have a lot more you can do now that you are an adult. You get to steer your own ship now. The possibilities are really endless. If we can change our perspective our reality also changes. I don't have a lot of money either, but don't let that hold you back. There is so much out there waiting for you to explore. I have a feeling if you reach and mold a healthy positive perspective on life and yourself that you will be able to change this and come to a content peaceful place with yourself and your life. You can become fulfilled, it is not hopeless at all, it is hard work yes, but work that will be worth it.