((((roadie)))) we're here for you.   if posting helps continue. we all care about you lots and you speak wisely to all of us. i'm so sorry you are in such pain. so glad you go to AA often. it won't resolve your condition and anger altogether but you will support there.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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