|
Jan 30, 2013, 01:00 PM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,288
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by avlady
PTSD - i am in a predicament here as every time i try to talk about my past with my mother she gets angry and says i shouldn't dwell on the past but live in the present. i get angry inside and don't show it. and i've learned not to talk to her about it either. how else am i going to know about it it was painful for her so i will not bring it up anymore, but does anybody else in here think the past is important, and could you give me some advice?
|
(((avlady))),
This is a very "common" challege that people who struggle with PTSD face. In fact many people are told this most of their lives and it is not unusal for a parent to tell a child this, and it isn't fair to the child. More importantly it sends a deep subconscious message to "not talk about things that bother us". This is something that many who now sit across from a T have to overcome because they believe that it is "wrong" to talk about their problems. Often they feel the T will judge them poorly and think they are crazy or bad for needing to talk about the things that have upset them.
I have lost count of how many times in my life I have been told, "that is in the past, let it go, move on, and don't "dwell". Oh, and "you can't change the past, it's over and you gotta "just" let go and move on".
It is often the first thing people tend to say.
The truth is, when someone has a need to "talk about the past", they already know they can't change it, but what they do need is "validation and help mourning it and being comforted until they experience finally feeling heard and healed".
The truth is, we all need this and "no" we don't just "get over upsetting and tramatic things" and forget and "just" move on.
Think about the latest Newtown, CT trajedy, there is still alot of talk going on, and expression of anger and questioning. This will never be "just" get over it and move on. The same is true for 9/11 and other tramatic events that "society" has endured and "remembers" and "needs to talk about from time to time".
When people react to you like you are discribing avlady, they are "invalidating" you and that "always hurts and just adds to the trama or challenge". And if you heard any of the "professional advice" given to parents after this Newtown event, they have been instructed to make sure that when a child needs to talk, LISTEN AND VALIDATE!!!! Do not allow a person to be invalidated or go off and isolate after a trama. And, if someone is not careful, they can begin to develope PTSD.
I am very sorry that you have people that tend to insist you, "just let go, forget, move on, live in the now, and surpess your need to "talk about your pain". Human beings are designed to need to be "comforted" when they are frightened, upset, or tramatized. Being "comforted" gives us all permission to heal and feel we "can continue to exist and thrive". Some people are tramatized more than others, and that means they need to talk out their feelings more and have some "healing helpful validations and suggestions on how to take away some postives and growth from troubling events".
I am sorry that you are around people that don't seem to "get that", unfortunately, that is all too common and leads to many people struggling, instead of actually "healing".
You have a right to be heard and express whatever has been challenging you.
You are always welcome to come here and talk, we all know how to listen and support you, and, that it will help you heal.
 Open Eyes
|