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Jan 30, 2013, 01:46 PM
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,565
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
I don't know how to grieve, i don't know how to heal from it, i feel stuck in sadness. I need to find acceptance for the past but literally step by step, how do i do that?   |
I think there's something about being able to talk about it - all of it - the injustice of it - etc - to the same therapist over and over as much as you need to.. that eventually takes the sting out of it. Sure doesn't happen overnight, but having someone to witness your pain, to validate the crappiness of it, reduces its potency over time.
There was a particularly traumatic set of experiences over a two year period that had me in so much pain that I just cried all the time in therapy. My therapist, after a while, got concerned that I wasn't seeming to get over it. It dominated my therapy. When I realized that, I tried to put a lid on it. Then the pain interfered with my real (outside of therapy) life. I retreated deep in my cave and shut down. I'll never forget the day that my therapist said "Crescent, from this day forward here's what I want you to do: Save all that pain and bring it here. If you feel it out there between sessions, try to set it aside, because I want you to save it for here when you're with me. If you need to, you can talk about it every second of every session from now on, until you don't need to. I just don't want you to feel that pain 'out there.'" Man, that was amazing. And I did exactly that. Here I thought she was sick of hearing about it, and I got a golden ticket invitation to dump all that pain with her every time I saw her. After a while, it subsided. And then she pointed out that it had been months since I talked about that subject, And now, I can remember it, but it causes no pain.
So talk about it. As much as you need to. That spreads it out on the table, kind of diluting it.
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