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Crescent Moon · Jan 30, 2013, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Can i borrow yours CM? Yours sounds awesome.

I am waiting to start with a new T who does emdr and somatic therapy. Just wating for a space to be freed up. But with my current T who has been amazing all the way thru is who i put in the mothering role, because it was easier to pretend that i had someone to fill that role rather than face the truth that actually, no i don't and won't ever. It hurts. I feel rejected by her. Like the idea of being in that role must be vomit inducing to her. I know i'm being unreasonable and stupid but my inner child is heartbroken.

My T this week called taking away the emails and putting in clearer boundaries "tough-love". It does feel tough but it doesn't feel like love. How can she not understand how this feels to me?

That sounds incredibly painful. I can't imagine my therapist doing that to me. Unbelievable. It's not you Asia. She just might not have had the training to effectively deal with transference.

Mine *wanted* me to put her in that role. I resisted, until it snuck in on me when I wasn't looking

. Then I found it so healing, and I would have been devastated if I sensed it made her want to vomit. She seems to be acutely attuned to when I regress, even ever-so-slightly. She will step in and do the smallest, most discrete, but potent things that make me feel like a treasured daughter. (And mind you, she's only a few years older than me - but it probably helps that she's probably 6 inches taller

).

Don't know if you read the post where I told about me spiraling into a deep depression where I really shut down for several months. As I was starting to come out of it, we talked one session about our relationship (always makes me cringe). She pulled out her phone and googled "The Runaway Bunny" and read it to me. Then she elaborated on how she thought I was like that runaway bunny sometimes, and she wanted me to know that she would always find me where I was, and stay with me. And I know she's talking therapeutically. I mean I would never think she'd pop up in my real life or anything. But when I'm in session with her, or even between sessions if she senses I'm in crisis, she is wholly there. All the emotional intimacy of it all has been my healing salve. You deserve that kind of experience. Really.