Quote:
Originally Posted by struggling2
oh Twin  .....we really are twins. im in the exact same boat as you. the grief and the sadness over not having a mom. its like pot that is about to boil over and trying to put a lid on it to stop it but inevitably its going to overflow and spill out all over the place anyways. i feel for you, i really do. i have maternalized my T as well......im so aware that she cannot be my mom....a lot of times that awareness makes me pull away from her. its almost as if the good stuff you can get is just a tease of the whole of what you cant have.
its so so so so hard. i wish i could change it for you and make it go away.
you and i both know that is not going to happen. just have to trudge forward. you are so brave and so strong....you can do it! im here anytime...pm away!  |
i miss you struggling where ya been?
I just wonder, how can our T's ever fully relate and understand and truly feel how painful this is for us if they've never been thru it themselves?
I just know the way my T talks sometimes about acceptance and grief that she has no concept of what it's like to be unmothered, she has no clue how it permeates your entire soul, and that nothing can fill it. She speaks of getting love from other people, like my husband, friends, etc but it's not about that type of love is it? Until you've experienced "good enough mothering" from someone, whether that's your own mother or a Therapist, until you've been allowed to grow up under the protective eye of a good enough mother, then that black hole inside can never be filled. And if you don't find someone willing to be that good enough mother then you are doomed. Looks like i might be doomed.