Quote:
Originally Posted by akekaomen
I can't keep up with work while I'm feeling this depression. I'm
constantly unable to concentrate, so I'm trying my best to just
get by without anyone noticing that I'm barely able to get my work
done. What's worse is that after sleeping, my commute and work, I
have about 4 hours a day to myself and my family (maybe 5). It
just starts to get to the point where I always want to finish the
week so I can relax and do things for myself on the weekend. But
then I don't bother doing anything around the apartment to help
out. I'm lucky my wife is tolerant of me.
I guess this is what everyone feels, so I need to accept it. I can't change the situation right now because of my daughter's illness and our need for the money.
It also makes me mad when I know other managers in my department
work on weekends and nights. I can't handle doing that, so I feel
left behind. I'm like the least of all the managers I guess as a
result. But then again, when I get home, I've already put in 13-14
hours including my commute.
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HI.
Since I'm not that familiar with you, this is kind of winging it. Part of depression is feeling like you want to pull away from others. It doesn't matter that you love them or that they are usually the highlight of your day. Self isolation is part of the package.
I know your job is important to you, and it sounds like you take pride in your work. That being said, now is not the time to worry about whether or not you are the best manager. When you are in a situation in which you have limited physical/emotional resources, its time to prioritize. Depending on your boss, you might want to have a frank discussion with him about your limitations at the moment. Not necessarily about your depression, because you never know how people will react to that, but you might want to tell him that you are having some difficulties trying to deal with your daughter's illlness. Its not really a cop out. I'm sure that does put extra demands on both your finances and your emotions, and most people are understanding about illnesses. Particularly when they involve children.
Does your wife understand how depressed you are? I know its hard to admit when things are getting out of control. We are told that we have to be strong for our families, and that as men, we should just suck it up, but better she know than come to her own conclusions. You may not think that the changes you are experiencing are that noticable, but spouses do notice. So do kids. Be as honest and open as you can be with your wife and let her know that you realize how hard she is trying to support you.
If you aren't in therapy at the moment, you might want to consider it. You love your kids and your wife, and if you don't really want to for yourself, do it for them. I'm sorry if you are already in therapy and this last is redundant. I'm glad that your wife is supportive. Depression can be a real strain on a marriage. See if you both can sit down and figure out a list of things you need to prioritize. That will include her in the process, and she might be able to see things with a clearer head.
Sam2