Your always keeping it to yourself wasn't good for you, I think you have just come to a point where you need to talk, let it out and get the comforting you needed then and now. After all avlady, you are human, and human beings "have feelings", we need to be able to express our feelings. Losing any family member leaves a space, or void and it is very normal to always feel that. Human beings have exercised many different ways of mourning and remembering lost ones. Some families start up some kind of scholarship in the name of their lost ones, they try to find something "positive" to come from the loss. Some people go and speak different places to have some "awareness" take place so other people might learn some things. This is exactly what we are designed to do, use whatever we experience as something that we can share with others so they can learn, it is a big part of our existencialism.

So, don't feel like you "have to" hold it all in, because we are not really designed to do that.

(((Hugs)))