Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaCabanna
T pointed out today that I gather my sense of self worth through others. According to him , if a child is not loved for just being themselves they lack a positive sense of self worth. I find this "love" in the happiness of others. If they are happy with me then I feel loved. But if they are upset or sad I attribute it to me and start to feel bad about myself. This leaves me at the mercy of how others perceive me or how I perceive they perceive me. This is my unhealthy way of feeling loved. What are some ways that one can build their self worth from within? How do you self love?
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I can so relate to this. T and I are talking a lot about how I look at myself through others' eyes, and particularly those who I deem as authority figures in some way. So, if I think they are thinking well of me, then "I am okay". If they are not thinking well of me then "I am not okay" (in fact, I am often devastated).
I think it takes practice to see things in ourselves that we think are worthy. And to see that we think are worthy no matter who disagrees, or feels less interested, or places less importance on those things. I think it is really hard to define that for myself. I am easily swayed by criticism, because I think others know more than I do. Criticism, or even lack of enthusiastic agreement, can create a response in me from doubting my initial feeling of worth, to rejecting that initial feeling of worth and wondering how in the world I could have been so delusional. I'm trying to learn to allow myself to respond to criticism (or lack of enthusiastic agreement) differently - to not accept their view through their eyes, to be able to say "No, that isn't 'me'", to question their view/vision.
I think it's really important to work on, and it's great that your therapist is helping you with this
