It's ok, I'm not getting 'whiny' from you . I guess if I were in your place I would be feeling sad, too... something you valued is coming to an end. I think your calmness is because, inside, you have accepted this and are prepared to move on, just your emotions have not caught up yet. It seems to me you are handling this in as healthy a way as you can, and once you are through this grieving period, it is quite possible you might be able to see this as another step in becoming your own person. I am not a T ... but I am told that everything can be viewed as a helpful experience eventually. Hang in there... I am sorry that first forum did not at least offer you a hug. Here is one from me (((((TheRealFDeal)))))