Lola,
You really are struggling lately If you look to others for self worth and love it is not going to be a happy ending. I am not sure how to find it within as I am working unsuccessfully at this myself right now.
I learned the hard way not to do this by putting my happiness in someone elses hands and when they left I was left alone and unhappy and not knowing how to get myself out of this whole I got into but at least I have learned never to rely on others for happiness. My first t (blank slate) told me that I wait for others to rescue me from my unhappiness instead of finding it within but I still don't know how to find it within. Maybe some people are never meant to be happy- who knows.