Yesterday it took me until the afternoon,but I went out and drove my car.
This may seem like nothing, but I can't remember the last time I went out alone and drove my car.

I had a small panic attack but I worked through it. I just drove about a quarter mile to a local nail place and had a pedicure.

I did this as a dry run because today I have to go see the grief counselor on my own. I see her in 3 hours. I am already starting to panic a little bit. I want to get a shower before I go and I have to take a bunch of pictures of Jason. The pictures of Jason are on a poster board we had at the viewing and funeral. I am stressing about the shower and looking at the pictures and taking them of the board. I am stressing about seeing the counselor.

It seems my best days are when I somehow convince myself this isn't real.
I know intellectually this isn't helping. I need to confront the grief head on. Seeing the counselor is most likely going to be painful. I am getting a knot in my stomach just writing this.

I know I will get there one way or another.