I find that no matter how much love I receive from people my age (friends, partner etc) I still don't feel happy with myself. On the other hand, although I realize and fully understand intellectually the reasons behind this need, I seek for the approval and love of older men and women (especially men). I don't fall in love with older men, but I fantasize of being their special one, their protegee, of them admiring me, holding a special and secret place in their heart for me, encouraging me, holding me etc... And that hasn't changed.