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Jan 31, 2013, 10:32 AM
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,565
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
I did retreat from my needs. Needing people is dangerous because it makes me vulnerable. I don't need anyone in life.
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Yes. This is what I learned too. I got myself set up to never be vulnerable to 'needing' anyone, because that was the most dangerous place for me to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
Until now, until my T told me she'd be there to fill in any needs i missed out on, until she made me trust her, until she was there so consistently that i got complacent in that i never expected her to withdraw from me. She told me that there are people who are trustworthy. She included herself in that. And now she did the very thing i trusted she wouldn't. And now i have no defences to cope with it.
Tough-love my a s s she stuffed up big time here.
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Listen Asia.. I had a Therapist #1 that I call my Toxic-T. He was wholly and totally incapable of managing his own self. He made a big deal out of me trusting him, etc. - but then he had no clue what to do with my vulnerability, and his counter-therapeutic mishandling of me turned into a huge re-traumatizing situation that nearly undid me. I thought I would die. I wanted to just die. The pain was unbearable and unending. Then I somehow accidentally landed in a visit with my current therapist. I saw them both at the same time for about six months, neither of them knowing about the other. It was the contrast between how my current therapist handled me versus my toxic-T that finally enabled me to extract myself from that destructive "therapeutic" relationship.
I'd encourage you to go out there and interview some therapists. You need to find one who understands and likes working with people who have early attachment figure damage.. FOO damage. Someone who is really into the benefits of transference. A therapist cannot *become* your mother or father, but I am evidence that a therapist can indeed become an attachment figure that is strong and stable enough to, over time, provide "corrective" experiences that overwrite the damaged tapes that interfere with a client's life. It's an "as-if" kind of thing. My therapist is not my 24-7 "Mommie." But she sure as hell steps in from time to time to "be" that for me in the context of therapy - and it has transformed my ability to function. You deserve to get what you need.
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