I recently moved across the country back to where I grew up... It has been a huge upheaval. I had to give up my jobs with the move. Since getting here, I have been looking for work. I have applied to countless jobs, and even got an offer. The more I thought about the offer though, the more I realized that I cannot do that job because of where I am emotionally since getting here. It would require me to be exposed to (and handling for others) a lot of the same stuff I am currently going through. I just can't do that right now. I have enough trouble getting through the days without completely falling apart. I can't hold others up through the same kind of stuff. I know my wife understands this, and supports my decision not to take the job (she has seen me at my worst, and she fears it becoming reality again, so I guess she is even a bit over-protective). Everyone else tho... they are s different story. I keep hearing from everyone to take any job that is offered simply because it's an income. Even a few of the clinicians I have reached out to have advocated this (tho the therapist I feel the most comfortable with has not pushed the issue, I am grateful for that). I don't know how to tell people that I just can't do the job because of my own emotional state. It would simply bring stress along with the paycheck (but no benefits because the company is so small...). I don't want to fall faster and farther than I already am...

To go hand-in-hand with my unemployment frustrations (and pressures), I have very limited access to treatment. I really appreciate the therapist I have found, but I feel like I need more at this point. The problem is, without income or insurance, I can't afford anything else. Part of me wants to call social services and try to get state aid, but I fear that the fastest way for me to access that would be a trip to the hospital (otherwise it takes weeks to get approval). I know I don't need inpatient, but I do need more than just an hour a week. I would really like some kind of day program, but that is prohibitively expensive. So much stuff comes up though. I don't know what to do about it. It's stuff that happens throughout the day, from interactions I have online and in real life, and from triggers to my ptsd. Does anyone know of a way to access services quickly without necessarily having to be in a major crisis? I have told my therapist a few times yesterday that I know I need more support, and that I would probably benefit from a day program, but he never responded to that really... I'm out of ideas. I would know who to call if I were back at home, but I am unfamiliar with this system... and I don't want to NEED to be hospitalized before I get the help I need...