Well, I took a nap yesterday. It didn't solve the problem but I got rest from the turmoil going on inside of me. It came to me that it wasn't such a bad thing to take a nap. I was more relaxed when I woke up.

Ok... I'm going to make a list in the order in which it happened, of the things that are bothering me. For now, I don't need any response to them. It's just getting it written down.

1) On this very board, I got into it with my DIL. I had been posting about my concerns over her and my son's parenting style. I made the stupid mistake of emailing them a post I had made to begin trying to discuss the problem with them. I didn't know that when you do that, on the email there is an "invitation" to come to the board and of course, the URL is on the email. She actually JOINED as "Other Grandma" and defended herself as if she was her mother. I felt like my privacy had been violated when she posted. I know she was on the site several times checking up on what I was posting. I didn't behave properly when that happened.

About that time, her dog got run over and I posted that I was sad about it. She decided I was using HER dead dog to get sympathy. She can't believe that people on this board love me and I don't need to USE anything or any one to get it.

2) She gave me "orders" to not write about her and her family on a public board. You can tell I'm following her "orders." LOL

3) I explained my main concern to her about her lack of housekeeping skills, her neglect of her kids and explained that I had been that way, too, when I had my first child. I thought I had written the letter in a very understanding way, but I guess the truth hurt her and she took exception at which time, she wrote me and told me that from that day on, she didn't want me in her life or the kids life because her life is better without me. This is after I had gone to her house for once a week for several months to clean up the nasty mess she made my son and the kids live in. Her life is better without me?? Yeah, she doesn't have anyone telling her to clean up her act!

My son said it was just a small break we were taking from each other. This was in January. It's now the middle of May. I've seen my grandkids once since then at which time my granddaughter told me that her and her little brother had missed me a lot. I couldn't tell her that it wasn't by MY choice!

4) My husband was all gun hoe tearing out my kitchen about two months ago, but he's taking his sweet damn time doing any of the work. I've been without a stove and a sink for almost the whole time and he doesn't understand why it stresses me. We argue quite a bit because of it.

5) He also suffers from depression and gets pretty nasty when he's in a mood. He's been quite detached for a while and I'm getting resentful because I can't even talk to him.

He's having a caniption fit because I won't let him bring in my computer desk until I wallpaper two walls. He's had fits about it but when I mention my need for a kitchen sink he has another fit!

6) The young man that is coming over to get the work done drives me nuts at times because his mouth goes contantly. He's borderline retarded and can get quite emotional. Other than that, I think he's a great kid! I wish my kids had some of his strong convictions about life and family! He's really endeared himself to me, but he WON'T SHUT UP!! Even when I tell him I need some quite, he says okay and keep right on talking. It's funny but it drives me to distraction!!

7) My husband just recently bought a 1991 Mazda Miata. I don't know why, but I felt very, very resentful of him. I DO know why... because he can't take my scooter on that car if we use it to go out. We have to use the huge RV that only gets 8 miles to the gallon! That's part of it. I resent that I've lost part of my independence and mobility.

8) OH!! I forgot one very important issue!! About a month ago, I decided to give my son my old car that had sat in my driveway for 4 years. I knew that if I got it fixed it would give me nothing but problems. My son STILL is driving an old clunker that doesn't run half the time. His FIL claims to be a mechanic. I asked my son if his FIL could mickey mouse the car so my son could drive it into a dealership as a down payment for something better. After a fight with the FIL, we got him convinced of the simplicity of what was wrong with the car. It finally got fixed. Then I had to give my son the pink slip for it and he transffered ownership. This took about a week and his wife was bouncing off the walls because all of this hadn't been taken care of in one hour! My son told me that she was stressing saying that SHE would never get a new truck! I reminded my son that my car was a gift to HIM so HE could have something to drive to work. I made it abundantly clear that it was a MY personal gift to HIM, NOT to her!! Guess who's driving the new truck and guess who's still driving the rattle trap?!?!? USER *****!!!

9) My trust and faith in my son have been totally destroyed!

10) I didn't hear from him for Mother's Day.







<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>