Since I was a little boy I have been so interested in anything sexual. I was never sexually abused. My mom used to walk from mom and dad bedroom to the bathroom naked. I was never sexually attracted to mom. I walked in on my aunt who was breastfeeding my baby niece when I was 12. I was in awe of that and I do have a lactation fetish. I never had a real girlfriend til I was 20 years old.

I used to read a lot of penthouse letter mags, look for movies that had nudity in them and so on. I was such a shy shy guy. I never went to school events. I was to nervous to talk to a girl.

Masturbation was my sexual outlet for years. I never could get the nerve to talk to a girl or even ask her out.

I never really had a real relationship with anyone. I kept everyone at arms length. I guess I was worried about getting her feelings and embarrassing myself.

Met my wife at the age of 22 and she was my first sexual experience. She was a nice person and I was in love. We got married. Two years after that I find some alternative newspaper with a personal section. Oh my it peaked my interest. My wife was a sweet girl with very limited experience and I was afraid to talk to her about my desires and wants from fear of losing her. I cheated. Found a couple who was into sharing his wife. Oh it was exciting and thrilling of meeting some new people who thought like me but during the sex I kept thinking to myself that this is not right- what am I doing? I got dressed and headed home crying all the way.

over the years I get the urge to cheat especially when under a lot of stress. I damaged the marriage so severely but we stay together.

You may ask why is she staying with you? One she has no job skills. How would she explain to her family - this is something she does not want to do at all. She has no support. I am with a good therapist now and we are working on some of the issues of the past.

I like erotica, reading about sex, talking to others about it men and woman. Sex is my stress outlet. I do not drink, or go out with the boys. I work full time, go home and take care of the kids, do the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the house, bath the kids, yard work and repair the house as needed. I consider myself non controlling. She can buy whatever she wants, go wherever she wants or do whatever she wants.

I love being a father and teaching my kids and enjoy watching them grow and being very protective of them.

When I do get free time I watch a little porn or read a story. I do not need to do everyday like an addict.

I just wanted to put this out there for others and wonder is there people like me. I get a thrill talking to someone new and pushing the envelope with the new person.

My marriage is day to day at times to me. I really don't think I could say honey when the kids go to sleep lets get naked and go online. I would like to come up behind her and take or tell her I need her now.

She tells me she is not a sex object, she is a person. I get the why do you always have to grab my ***? Why don't you look at me and say "your beautiful and I love you for being you. I could not do that with a straight face. Yes she is beautiful and I would do that if she wants to be lovely dovey.

I could go on and on but this is a first step.