Healed, as soon as you btell your t you have a plan it becomes serious. I have told my t before and then she had to contact mt doctor and set up an appt for my own nsafety and then the doctor asked me did I need to go to the er.
I am sorry you are in such a low place right now but maybe by discussing your plan with someone safe like t it will put things into perspective for you and give you
some clarity and focus. I hope you can find some peace soon