I would only consider being friends with my T if we were done with our therapy relationship. It wouldn't work well for either of us to be friends at the same time we have this professional relationship. The therapy relationship is very special--I would not want to jeopardize that by simulataneously trying to be friends. I am sure my T would not permit that anyway.

Syra, the examples you gave of the client staying to share dinner with the T or of helping take care of the T's aging parent (for a fee, I assume) are unconventional and certainly push the edge of traditional client-T relationships, but they don't sound like friendships to me. I think loaning the client money was probably inappropriate, but it does not mean they were friends.

I think this is a different question than about being friends. I think it really depends on the T and the client. My T often eats when we are together and sometimes offers me some of his food. When my T goes out right before my session to get a coffee, he sometimes brings me back the kind of hot drink he knows I like. When something awful had happened in my life and I hadn't slept all night or eaten anything and showed up at T looking pretty dog-eared, my T brewed me a cup of tea, and put a big piece of carrot cake in my hands and took care of me. Some would consider this pushing boundaries, but it was helpful, enriching, and memorable to me (but it did not mean we were friends). My T also shares plentifully about his life with me. We have gone on walks a few times during the session. He has served an additional professional role for me, so I saw him outside of the office a number of times in this capacity. All of these things have enriched our relationship. This has worked for me. But I have seen some people post here about how they would not want their T to eat in session, self-disclose, etc. So for these people, relaxing that type of "rule" may not be helpful. I think the T needs to be savvy about individual client needs and not use a "one size fits all" approach. The T must also know himself well and not relax boundaries he needs to protect himself. I think especially new Ts need to err on the side of caution.

This is a very interesting question to learn about oneself. I have found a boundary I don't want T to cross, and it involves his attending celebratory events in my personal life. I am in school now and he has hinted that he would like to attend the graduation. I don't want him there. I am sure he will not push it, he just threw the idea out there a couple of times. Another time, he was encouraging me to sign up for a training program he thought I could benefit from, and he said they have a graduation for that and that he would go to that. I think he had several clients who were going to do the program so he was kind of warning me that he would there at the graduation (the other clients evidently had no problem with his presence). Because of this, I withdrew from the class. I don't want him at "my stuff" outside of therapy.