You should be proud of yourself, speed. You've covered ALOT of difficult ground this week alone! And if you can't be proud of yourself, at least let your intellect process the fact that many of us here are proud of your strength, even when you feel weak.

And on a more personal note, and please forgive me if I am overstepping my bounds...You can't judge yourself in hindsight. You can't judge a year ago by what you know today. You didn't know in the past what you know today. Don't judge yesterday's actions by today's knowledge.