Been having for years female issues and I know a lot has to do with the ab*se. Have went to several different OB/GYN's. Test after test, meds, etc. I thought several years ago an internal pelvic ultrasound was the worst and was so triggering. Well 2 years ago the dr feared cancer due to the amount of bl**ding and how long it was and blaa blaa blaa. No need for details here I guess. So she decided to do a biopsy. OMG the triggers were even worse. I came up off the table and was ready to get on the floor. She was really nice with the whole thing. That biopsy I agreed to. Nothing really came about with that.

Well I'm still having major issues and it is even getting worse. I think how can I, but it is. On my cycle for 6 - 8 wks at a time with maybe 1 - 3 days inbetween the next one. Like I never stop. The clotting is worse than anything. I was getting so tired of hearing from dr.s that this is normal and that they cannot do or will not do a hysto due to my weight. Well I found out some information about what could be another issue to my problem. So decided to go to a new Gyno. Well she doesn't take new patients so I decided to go to my PCP and see if he would give me a referral. I told him my issue/problem and he said, well I do that stuff. He was concerned again after he started the exam - (which I had no clue and wasn't prepared to have it) - that I might have cancer. Wanted to do a biopsy and I told him I didn't want it. To make a long story short, he did it anyway, I came flying up off the table and he was so rude and mean to me. Yelling at me that I needed to lay down so he could get the instruments out of me. He finally was able to do that. He was concerned that I hurt myself and wanted to exam if I did. I refused to let him check me. I got my clothes on, totally freaking out and hysterical. He was angry and wanted to talk about what was going on and find out what is the cause of what is happening to my body. I refused to go back. I just walked out, went and got on the bus, and paniced through the whole ride(s) home.

I feel totally violated. People including my T thinks I should report him. I cannot do it for several different reasons. I'm like totally frozen into where I am. I just cannot do it. I do know one thing though, he is no longer my PCP and I will not return back there. It is so difficult for me as it is to go to the dr. Especially that type of dr.

I feel myself seeping back to my past all day, back and forth. Trying the best to do what I need to do to take care of myself. I just don't know what to do right now. Freaking out and don't want to go to bed. It is after 2 am here and I know I need to get some rest. I have a headache already for having not much sleep.

Ohhh I am suppose to have a sleep study also. Well he is suppose to order it. My pdoc wants me to have one. Well he isn't going to be ordering it because I ain't going back to him. That sleep study is going to be difficult also.

Well this is a very long post so I won't go into the sleep study in here. Maybe later.

Just feeling very violated and back in my past.