I don't really know how to phrase this w/o sounding like a jerk or conceited.

I feel like I've tried to make connections on here but have failed. I sometimes try to jump in and chat on the couch, but it doesn't usually seem like my kind of conversation. And then sometimes I try anyway, but that just makes me a bit resentful.

And then I beat myself up about it. And then I turn the tables and think it must be something wrong with the people here. Like why am I not popular or even the most popular.

This is a continually reoccurring topic in T (how I relate to others). I'm really starting to think I have narcissistic personality disorder. T has mentioned narcissism, but we've not delved into it further.

I guess I just see this happen to me in real life too where I struggle to make connections with new people. (I have a handful of friends from elementary school that made it into my circle before I "put up my fortress" as T likes to say. Most things since high school have been superficial). What am I doing wrong?