Are you trying to convince us, or you? Some of the things you are saying are normal, but there are also somethings that trouble me.

Most men do think about sex. Some fantasize about other women, but bringing others inside the marriage is borrowing trouble. Your wife clearly does not want that, and whether her objection is moral, religious, or other reasons is not for me to say. It is, however something that you are going to have to work out or both or you will either be unhappy or no longer married.

The thing that is really bothering me is that it sounds as though she is a possession. Not a wife. The comment that she can go where she wants, buy what she wants and do what she wants sounds like it is followed internally by "why isn't she happy" or "I give her all this freedom why won't she engage in multiple partner sex". The fact that she is not in a positon to leave the marriage is something that you realize and seem to count on.

If both partners of two couples decide they want to mix it up, that is their business, but if one of the partners is uncomfortable with this, that person's feelings should be respected. Its great that you are a good father, family provider etc. , but what about being a good husband? Your wife married you because she loves you. There is a difference between making love and having sex. Intimate matters within a marriage are an expression of love, and between that couple. Wanting to go outside the marriage may be perceived by your wife as dissatisfaction with her. It may even be conceived as a betrayal.

Just for arguement's sake, lets say that there is something intimate about yourself that you only trust your wife with. How would you feel if she started telling other people about it? I know its not exactly the same, but the hurt and betrayal would be.

Relationships are often over before they end. You are already spending a lot of time fantasizing about being with someone else. As I said earlier, some of that is normal, but when its all the time, it can become a problem. You have told us a lot about what you feel, but how does your wife feel? (Other than just the couple swapping issue). If you are living your marriage day to day, there is already serious trouble. Not being able to look your wife in the eye and tell here that she is beautiful or that you love her sends a rather clear message and you can bet she gets it.

Look, I'm not a prude, but its sounds like the past really isn't the past. Make a decision. Do you really love your wife, or just think you do. This may sound harsh, but the ice under your feet is pretty thin.

Sam2