Why is it, "normal" people expect normal behavior from those of us who can't always act normal, except when it comes to times they want to control us, and use whatever excuse or "evidence" they can think of (or make up) to take away our freedoms and rights?

That's a loaded question, I know. It sounds like I'm paranoid that something big is happening. Not quite, although I do have one concern, but I'll get to that after I share this little story my mom told me.

My mom lives in a housing development complex for elderly and disabled people. I do what I can to help her, but having OCD and panic disorder, I can't do a lot of things. It's not because I don't care or I'm selfish. My mom's neighbors and friends all tell her she should have nothing to do with me. When I have to take her to a doctor's appointment or somewhere else, I can't touch her walker to put it in the back seat. I feel embarrassed whenever anyone sees my mom doing so, because she's very physically disabled. (No, gloves won't help. I already wear gloves, but I can't risk being touched by the dust on the walker--it's dirty in more ways than one--and I can't have it touch my body or my clothes; it's awkward to try to get it in the car without it doing that.) I am very anxious whenever I take my mom out, or even when I have to get stuff for her (shopping, for example) and take it back to her, because I'm not all that comfortable with that apartment complex. It's kind of "dirty" to me, but the fact that I'm able to do what I do is an effing miracle and I've made huge strides in the last year and a couple months. I used to be much worse.

Early last year, I wasn't able to take my mom's car, but I made improvements and she wanted to get rid of the car because she was tired of the struggling with driving. She gave me the car with the condition I'd take her shopping, to appointments, and the like, as I'm able. We've been doing that.

One of her friends whom I've never met took her to a birthday party a couple days ago. She was in my area, and asked my mom where I lived, since she knew it was nearby. My mom told her she didn't remember the exact address, and said she's never been to my house (which is true; OCD and boyfriend are reasons why, it's nothing against her). I'm guessing her friend (I think there was one or two others in the car with them, too) wanted to pay me a surprise visit, with the intent of seeing my home and getting more information on me. Maybe she wanted to say some things to me, too. In any case, when my mom told her she's never been to my house (which is really my boyfriend's house), she told her if she was her, she'd have nothing to do with me. She says she knows I have "problems," but that I need to "step up" and do more.

This B**** has no clue how frustrating life is for me, and how I can't do so many things. She thinks because I can do this, I can do that; it's just that I don't want to. My OCD and panic aren't always logical. I don't know why, that's just how it is. She said if I can go to college, I can do more stuff for my mom. Well, I haven't been to college this semester, and I'm dropping out (and having to pay back 50% of the tuition that I don't have, since financial aid paid it), in hopes of attending in the fall. This is for health (physical and mental) reasons. Not that it's any of her business.

My boyfriend thinks my mom probably stirs up a lot of the comments, because she talks about me and doesn't know I know about it. Even when I lived with her as a teen, I would hear her talking about me, because I was only two small rooms away, and nobody else was there besides the person she was telling. Others have also told me things she's said. She expects me to be able to do things I can't do. My car (formerly her car) is messy, because I didn't have a bag or anything for trash, and I wear rubber gloves when I do things for my mom, so I just toss the used ones in the back, with plans to get them in the trash later (I'll need my boyfriend to help me with that). She saw how messy it was and starts in on me. Sometimes I honestly wish I hadn't taken the car, and not just because of this. There are lots of reasons. I like having transportation when I need it, but I could go back to relying on my boyfriend and be fine with it. Oh, I'd have some sad moments, but I'd get used to it again.

Just needed to vent. My mom's friends always talking about me, and probably my mom saying stuff, too. I can't always act normal, but people keep expecting me to.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is a controversial topic, but I'm not looking for a debate; I just want to make a point. The topic is guns. Americans are born with the right to own weapons, but some people want to take away that right if you are mentally ill. Now, I know some of you are anti-gun all the way, and that's fine, but what I'm saying is, they shouldn't be able to keep you from getting a gun simply because you're mentally ill, which is what some people want. I believe you should have to have a past which shows you to be violent or seriously threatening, before they can say you can't have a gun. I also think gun owners should be trained to use them properly. It's the discrimination against us as a group that I oppose; I'm not saying I want to get a gun or that everyone should own guns or no one should own them, but they shouldn't be able to take away our rights based on what they think we might do.