Thanks you guys. I really appreciate the replies even though I dont know what kind of support Im looking for. I guess I did want to hear 'good job' from someone. Not even an acknowledgement from the bosses team but they have shown their appreciation in the past so I'll have to borrow from that for this time.

Minus the swearing, the lady, and the risks I took, I felt pretty good about having the ability to get thru it. The risks are the kind that if things had not gone perfectly there would have been some very serious collateral damage. So, glad that didnt happen. I need to find a way to cope without the risk but that would mean slowing down and then the work wouldnt get done. Roadie, youre right, gotta keep up the pace or get left in the dust. The old me would throw a fit and demand a slow down and then I would self implode and tell my boss to P@#! off and likely quit, regretting it later, so this is progress. Still would love to learn to smile more. Depression completely gobbled my sense of humor up and 37 years of sadness and then anger rooted in the depression have left me at the beginning with this. Thank God the sadness is mostly gone now. Just gotta deal with the anger. Deep breathing helps a lot. Love you guys. Hope your day is good.