PTSD has a lot to do with not only the content of my session, but also the way that I interact. And certainly my reactions after session. When I talk very directly about something triggering, I'm often concerned with "protecting" my therapist, which is of course part of the problem. And this ends up produces "after effects" because the material continues to have an effect after the session is over, sometime more so. So I have made follow-up calls, which luckily my therapist allows, though I would prefer that it didn't happen. Trying to raise the issues earlier in session has helped so that we have more time to process things.

But my therapist, who is also an MD and an analyst, thinks that a certain amount of "regression" is necessary to be able to reconnect the feelings to the events. This means something like a "falling apart" in order to come back together. That process is difficult if you have to maintain a high level of functionality and don't have a lot of sessions where you can let this happen.

Sometimes, when I've been aware of the fact that I didn't have the luxury of allowing myself to go through that process, I have purposefully stayed away from bringing things up in session. I don't think that is necessarily a good or a bad thing; it's just self-protective and realistic.