This very statement means you're in some kind of denial. Have you ever thought of getting professional help? If you're having thoughts of harming others or yourself, you seriously need psychological help. Don't deny yourself one as it can save your life. It can be a hard pill to swallow and people around you may not take it lightly.. but there are support group out there who can help. The problem with depression is that the scope is so wide and that people have been faking it, using it as an excuse like this person I saw on equibbly. At least, you're bold enough to post that you have a problem and all you need is a little nudge to acknowledge the real issue before things get worse. Good Luck!