James is right, tirbalwolf. Mania doesn't last forever, and the crash is a beast. I have a friend who was a fighter pilot in WWII, and he speaks much as you do. He says they did a study of the pilots and found out the had more testosterone than other pilots. Robert is also bipolar. pdoc says he's stable, but even tho he's 94 I worry every time he goes to the AF base he might try to take off in a fighter.
I don't think you're an animal needing caging. I think your body chemistry is out of whack & your pdoc is wrong about your being stable.
Live in the present, as much as you can. Let go of these past associations, and perhaps be tested for testosterone. Work with your T for centering in NOW.
I think you belong right here with us.
Roadie