even at my worst what I believed was IT!

I was without confidence?...thats crap! I always had heaps of nouse!...all that emotional energy even at my worst I could fight it out!

flaming balls of fire dripped off me at all times I could ignite an iceberg!...

something has gone wrong...I cannot look people in the eye no more...and likewise they cannot look me back and I see this and I get even more insecure!

I was once for ages once times forever before unbreakable untouchable fearless and now I lock my doors I don't go outside if I don't have to I am exhausted whats going on?

I resent anything thats proving me right!

that there is a better way to live like I fu--ked my version of it right up or something!

and I'm not kiddin' around...this is a real problem...even in suicide I was alive and now I'm beyond suicide and dead anyway!...

is this the real preparation for the real thing?

I have no spirit and this is ripping me apart like the spirit that leaves is only half of it and they just should never be apart not ever and it's not fair and I don't know whats happening to me.

I know I'm ill...but that aint enough to explain it

if all my confidence was false?...then why the F---ck did it bring me here just to cut me loose like I didn't need it from here on when I needed it more than ever?

damn it!