Yoda is right on with her advice. I do think it is crucial that you have grief counciling, and a presence there you can talk to. You are struggling to process this because it is so tramatic. It is very important that you are "not alone" and this is tramatic for both you and your husband so you both need help, and don't isolate by yourselves, you need help. Yoda is right, you will need some medication to help you "relax" and reduce the challenge your brain is having from all the confusing emotions you are having with this.

I didn't realize that this loss was so recent in your other thread. Now that I see it is recent, yes, you do need help.

I am soooooo sorry, this "is" a huge loss.

What are you and your husband doing now, are you getting help? You both need to reach out for help, Yoda is right this is going to take time to find your way to make peace with, it is often moment by moment for a while. You are at the point where the shock is retreating and you are trying to "process" it all, you cannot do this all by yourself, it is very important to get help.

Please know that you are not alone, other parents have experienced this, had to understand there was nothing they could do, had to work on accepting it slowly and be able to talk about it as much as they needed to so they could get past the very difficult challenges you are discribing to us here. Being able to "talk" as much as you need and having a validating presence is very important.

You have our support here, but you also need a physical presence that you can talk to as much as you need.

(((Very gentle caring hugs)))