Yoda is right on with her advice. I do think it is crucial that you have grief counciling, and a presence there you can talk to. You are struggling to process this because it is so tramatic. It is very important that you are "not alone" and this is tramatic for both you and your husband so you both need help, and don't isolate by yourselves, you need help. Yoda is right, you will need some medication to help you "relax" and reduce the challenge your brain is having from all the confusing emotions you are having with this.

I didn't realize that this loss was so recent in your other thread. Now that I see it is recent, yes, you do need help.

I am soooooo sorry, this "is" a huge loss.

What are you and your husband doing now, are you getting help? You both need to reach out for help, Yoda is right this is going to take time to find your way to make peace with, it is often moment by moment for a while.

(((Very gentle caring hugs)))