i have realized that i can never cut deep enough. the method i use because my parents won't find out does not allow me to cause more damage. that fact makes me feel weak and inferior to those who SI and cut too deep and need real medical treatment. my teacher told about people who self stitch their DEEP wounds. I am now finding myself feeling challenged to go deeper. but with razors i can't therefore i am making plans for the future to go as far as those who SI severely. i feel the need to prove myself to everyone (at least in my mind) that my issues are as bad as anyones and that i am as good as those who do it worse than i do. i REALLY want to prove myself and cut really deep but i can't now and really makes me morose.

i don't know what to do. but i really want to be as good as everyone else.