I understand i went through this and it took my five years to get over it. I could have written your post. And when i found a new t , my old t w all i tlaked about for a long time. But not anymore. I promise,the pain will get much less, you will feel better. I thought i would die, i was in so much pain. I dont feel it at all anyore. Try to see what you can learn by going through this. It was so hard but i am a better person for what i went through.