you cant blame him for leaving you. you lost all his trust and without trust a relationship is not worth a whole lot. you made a mistake, learn from it, and take sometime for yourself. i have been cheated on, i know what that rejection and betrayal feels like. even if he did forgive you, he would never forget that and he would never trust you the same. maybe go on a dating site and see if you cant find someone else? there are ALOT of people in this world and someone would love to be with you, disorder or not. sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together.