Okay....so here it goes. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, Depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I have been in therapy for about 10yrs. I was with my first Psychiatrist for 7 of those years. He treated me only for my OCD. Finally, with the help of a friend, I found both a therapist and a psychiatrist that I have now. I have been on all different kinds of meds during that time. Lucky me, they start to work for a little while and then out of nowhere they STOP. It is so discouraging when that happens. Currently, I am on Lamictal 200mg, Wellbutrin 300mg, Topamax 25mg, Risperdal .5mg, and Xanax .5mg. I hate having to depend on so many meds. Throughout these years I have opened up about my past, acknowledged things that were done. I forgave those who wronged me, yet, I still suffer with the same symptoms...the rages, the anger and irritabilty, the low self worth, the sadness, and the emptiness. I don't know what else to do or say. I put everything out there on the table. My husband thinks it is because I haven't truly gotten ANGRY at those who abused and neglected me. I just so easily forgave them. I don't know what I am supposed to say to that?! I almost think that part of me is afraid to get better because this is all I know. This is who I am. I have given 10yrs of my time to therapists...spelling everything out for them...what else can I do? I recently, have had a setback, where I am unstable, so the doctor is trying to stabilize me on meds or they are talking about putting me back into the hospital. What am I not doing to help myself by healing from my past? I feel like I made amends, but still suffer these symptoms.