This is so unlike me...despite all my pain, in spite of all my past, I have usually always been a very positive person with a few exceptions of extreme depression; perhaps I always hid my true feelings so well and always faked it better than I should have...I am struggling probably about as hard and for an longer amount of time than when I attempted suicide a couple of years ago.
I feel so dark and alone and especially afraid right now...I've always been great at giving advice and encouraging others to keep moving in a positive direction...I've always tried to find something to hold on to; yet right now I'm having such a rough time...I just want the pain to go away. I'm trying so hard to be strong, I'm trying so hard to wake up everyday, but I don't want to anymore; I have such a difficulty trying to keep the intrusive thoughts and fantasies away.
Thanks for listening; no where else to turn.