Dear ryuken,

I can definitely relate to you. As a child, I was the eldest on my mother's side of the family. And they all expected me to be perfect, which gave me a lot of pressure. Instead of doing what I wanted, I thought about what they wanted. I studied and was isolated so that I would get good grades. But, as I grew older, I wondered what I was missing out on. I saw groups of girls sitting together and laughing while I was a fat little girl sitting far away because they thought I was awkward. At first, I just thought "I have my books as friends." This continued on throughout elementary and middle school. Once I entered high school, I wanted to become a different person because I felt so empty that I was overwhelmed.

And plus, I felt that my family was ashamed of my fatness, so I controlled myself to eat only fruit and exercise for two hours a day. When I got thinner, I still felt like I was crippled. Because, I lacked the experience to make friends. However, friends found me, so I was extremely blessed.

Even though I act with a lot more freedom now than I used to, my parents have accepted it to a certain extent. Sometimes, parents just need time. Some need more time than others. And every person believes they are right in their own mind, even if it's irrational. So, you need to let your parents know that you cannot be chained anymore, that you need to find your own path. Still, thank them for what they have given you and forgive them for what they did not give you. Because, every person needs forgiveness no matter how old they are. Every age is prone to its own mistakes.

And it's never too late for you to begin finding yourself. Take it one step at a time and reach out to someone like you. I was always happy when a person struggling with similar problems like mine took the time to talk with me. And, I am still afraid of the world around me and the future beyond high school. But, I have been blessed with people in my life who have listened to my complaining and helped me through it. I hope you find people like that in your life too.

The sun always rises for a new day and a new person. Become the best person that you can be and be proud of yourself.