Hi Adam,

Based on your most recent post it seems like you are feeling overwhelmed which is leading to the depressed and hopeless feelings. There are a variety of issues at play in what you're describing so what you're feeling is really understandable. For the sake of clarity and organization, it might help to start by simply listing them out. You know yourself best, so you may find you want to modify:

- Coping and healing from issues from your past life experiences
- Ease of communication between you and your wife
- Physical attraction
- Growing your family: whether to do so and timing
- Getting proper sleep
- General happiness and wellness

If you look at each of these areas individually, you can start chipping away at them in an orderly way and start improving things gradually over time. Tackling one thing at a time and recognizing when you've made progress can help you grow individually and together.

For each area ask (either to yourself or both of you):
- what are the main basic reasons this is a problem in your life
- once you have defined the nature of the problem, decide whether you think it is worth doing something to resolve or improve it
- if yes, then brainstorm a few ways you or your wife could address those specific difficulties that you would both be happy trying
- for any of those actions that are realistic, work together on a plan for implementing them in your lives
- agree with each other (or with yourself if it's an individual goal) to check-in on the conversation on a recurring basis. Maybe you have a weekly time set aside to discuss where things stand. Don't expect a few long conversations to solve everything. Try for more frequent smaller conversations to maintain dialogue with yourself and between the two of you and build slowly.

At least this is a general process that I have found helpful in my own life and with my wife. Our marriage isn't perfect, but the concept of simplifying, clarifying, and dividing / conquering has been a method that has gotten us through a lot when things feel overwhelming. Ultimately it has the effect of making you both feel in control, mutually respected, and empowered.

Even the best marriages have many highs and many lows, so it's really good that you are honing your individual skills and practicing working together. The fact that you are on this forum being so thoughtful shows you care and desire to work on yourself and together with your wife on your personal and combined concerns.

As you put the work in, you will find that you do possess the inner ability to be an emotionally strong and happy person, you just need to develop it and that doesn't happen overnight. Your wife is clearly a great fit for you and has proven she can help bring these qualities out of you, but it is you who has these abilities inside. You two are really in love which is really great to see.

I realize different things work for different people, but I hope maybe some of this can be useful to you. Good luck with everything and hope this helps!