at first when i was reading starry nights posts about how she and her therapist do things it did push my trigger button... until I went back and reread her posts...

claritytoo theres a difference between a therapist pushing a client and a therapist forcing a client.

whats happening with starry night and her therapist is pushing. not forcing.

if you read starry nights posts you will see the words stating she gave her therapist permission to do this.. its not forcing her to do anything she doesnt want to happen.

lets take it outside of the therapy mode for a moment...

here where I live and work theres a saying...

no means no but sometimes no really means yes..

example if you tell someone "no dont slam the door" with nothing else after that... saying no means no.

but if you tell someone something like.."sometimes I say dont slam the door but even if I keep saying no i want you to keep slamming the door"

thats turning the no dont do something into a yes do it.

another example of when no sometimes means yes ...sometimes when my wife and I are together no comes out of my mouth, not because I want to or need to stop, but because I am just blurting out what word is in my head, or reacting to something unrelated to what my wife and I are doing, or I say it because I have been taught to say it so it comes out of my mouth out of habit. kind of like some people say the f word. they dont really mean to start doing that action, or engage in that activity, it just comes out of their mouth out of habit because the word seems to fit at that moment. my wife and I have a different word than no, which means to stop immediately.

what Im getting from starry nights posts is something like this.. she knows she sometimes the word no will come blurting out of her mouth even though she the aware self wants to continue working in therapy. so she and her therapist have talked about this and they came to an agreement that in her case no really means yes unless she says it a different way.

this isnt making someone do something that they dont want to do, like you talked about in your post. you and your therapist do not have an agreement where its understood that no means yes unless its said in a different way. so for you no means no and to top right there.

theres a big difference between a therapist pushing with permission and a therapist pushing with out permission. its not abusive if permission has been granted, its only abuse if no permission has been given.

All therapists have a way of pushing to some extent other wise they would not be therapists they would be our friends. some therapists push in a way that gives their clients that gut wrenching no reaction and others push in a calm guiding way through asking the right questions at the right times instead of being forceful.

theres no one way for a therapist to be and each person responds to their own needs and wants from their therapist. me I like a therapist who is direct, doesnt let me off the hook so to speak but doesnt drill sargent /drag me through the mud whether I want to or not style. Ive had enough people in my life that did force me to do things a child should never have to go through, so doing things the hard way of me fighting my therapist and my therapist drill sargent drag me through the mud anyway would only cause me to have flashbacks and other PTSD issues that I have from already going through abuse as a child.

but getting back to your original post, I answered the way I did because your post left no leeway, if, ands or buts. no where in there did I see you gave a therapist permission to force you to hold a toy, so making you do so when you dont want to would be considered abuse here where I live.