Hi! You should look into some counseling. It sounds like your habits are interfering with your life and emotions. I'll say probably health, too. With the therapist's help you should understand better what you are going through and why. There are a lot of resources on the internet for to read as well. Do a search on Google and also here at this site--just click "resource directory" at the menu above. There is some great info! There are several of us here who have an idea what you are going through. I can relate, too. I've made a lot of posts recently. I do a lot of searches as well to keep myself better educated about my problems. Keep on posting--we are listening, and we care! {{{{{{{{{Sabrina}}}}}}}}}