As a consequence of my bipolar, I have believed various strange things at times. Some of these beliefs were emotionally neutral (i.e. believing that I was an alien) or actually made me feel happier (grandiose beliefs).

Most of them, however, have brought me a lot of pain and isolated me from friends and family. It took me literally years to realize how ridiculous some of these thoughts that I lived my life around were. For example, while depressed in high school, I thought that I was subhuman and that everyone could sense my inferiority just by looking at me. This belief was implicit, a given, not something that I could question because it was so silent.

I've had some really wacky, out there beliefs that were probably delusions, but it's these subtler, quieter strange beliefs that have hurt me the most, probably because they persisted longer. I realized yesterday that, even though I can now see how crazy some of my thought processes were, that I still haven't healed from them. I don't believe them intellectually anymore, but they still influence me emotionally. And more importantly, there is the pain left behind from all the time I spent being influenced by these thoughts.

I think that I need to address this issue with my therapist in order to truly move past it. I'm just not sure what exactly I have to do in order to heal from this. Also, I'm uncomfortable talking about this issue with people in real life because I don't want them to think that I'm "crazy"; this includes therapists. My therapist at home only knows about the delusions I've had while very clearly depressed; my pdoc doesn't know about any of this because I value his respect too much.

Have any of you dealt with subtle thoughts such as these? How have you gone about trying to come to terms with the damage that they caused? How did you learn to stop believing them emotionally, as well as intellectually?

Thanks