Thanks guys. I will drink the lemon today. I just felt so confused last night like I was rambling and said too much. But I need to open up and let you guys help me. I think you all are the only ones I can trust and who will understand right now. You're all I got right now.

I got really triggered yesterday cuz my youngest, 5th grade got suspended from school. Apparantly the teacher didn't hear it but a few other kids substantiated that he called another girl an F-ing B. My little guy was crying so hard and denied it. I don't know if he did it or not, we've had ongoing probs with this particular little girl. I'm trying to sort out my shock and anger.

The hour long condescending talking to I got from the principal was horrible. She says she warned him a month ago to stay away from katie or he'll be suspended. Never a call or communication to me. My son said that he was never told he might be suspended.

They're calling this sexual harrassment, because he used the word B... I got her to agree to not put that term in his school file. But she will if it happens again, shaking her finger at me.

They told me to get him therapy because he seems to trigger easily. They have a school counselor, but apparantly she doesn't have time for him.

Upon leaving school, my son was still crying hard, said he wanted to get a knife and die. I told him no matter how bad things get, we will find a way through, and it's never a reason to die. He just hugged me tight and told me how much he loves me.

I feel helpless, I'm scared this school is going to beat down my little guy like they did with my older teens who both have bp dx. And it's a small town, I'm really the black sheep here. Which I'm fine with if it's just me, but the judgments get layed out on my kids. I think they must know about my older son's manic rages and all the times I've had police and ambulences here. So they think they better treat my youngest real tough. I think this is totally unfair to him and that compassion and kindness are what will help him stay in school.

I hoped i'd wake up with some insight or solutions, but I only cried. And I'm smoking a lot. My mind is in a whirl, I feel foggy and confused. Some minor hallucinations. I cancelled plans I had last night, so once again I'm a flake. I need rl friends, but I'm always flaking on them... Things feel really impossible right now.

My son doesn't want to go back to school... I don't want him there, I don't trust them. But I'm putting on the strong face for him best I can. I must help teach him resiliency through this situation, that we will find a way through this.

It's really sent me into a spiral - both ways, heavy defeated along with crazy rage.

Thank you for listening. I really love and appreciate you guys.