I appreciate the encouragement. Actually the past three days have been great. I know that does not sound like a long time, but it is for me. It has been a long time since I have been contented for that length of time.

I believe that I am over the jealousy and insecurity issues with my best friend. I can tell that he is trying really hard to interact with me in ways that I have communicated that I need. I've already mentioned the affection. Additionally he has made even more time for me and calls to check up on me. He has shared a lot more about himself too, which is awesome. We've talked some about the very deep attachment that I have for him, and thankfully he has embraced it instead of pulling away.

His first grandchild was born last week. He took me to the hospital the day after she was born to see her. He wanted me to hold her, but I was not comfortable. Yesterday, I went to his son's house with him and his wife. He brought the baby over to me, and said I really want you to hold her too. I did hold her, and was happy that he wanted me to be a part of this very special time in his life.

I think that by actually accepting these displays of love, I don't feel so detached. So when I have physically alone the past few nights and this morning, I have not panicked or even been anxious. I really feel that he loves me (as opposed to just knowing it intellectually). I guess even having one person whose love I can accept deeply, helps a lot. The sad part is that I know that he has felt that way all along, but I could not acknowledge it emotionally.

I have no idea how this relates to my issues with sexuality. The big thing I have always craved is for a man to love me, to feel the security of his arms around me. My sexual attraction is for men, but if I had the choice of having sex with someone or just spending time with my best friend, I would not hesitate a moment to choose spending time with the best friend.