dont expect it to be so easy so quick. it will be hard for you, but you need to keep at it. try letting it out slowly, write one or two lines a day perhaps.

it will be hard to finally open up and admit to what happened, but you will get there eventually. i promise you. just try to be patient with yourself and allow yourself these alien emotions, they are all positive natural elements of the grieving process. they will fade once the emotions start flowing.

only open up to your therapist when you are comfortable with it. you need to be ready, to me it looks like you are ready but you are scared. its never possible to say what exactly you are scared of, i didnt know when i was in your situation, but it is fear and you need to find a way to overcome it. there is a way.

take it a day at a time. you have plenty of time to work on this, it wont happen overnight. you're not far from it now, just a little further to go.

take it easy and i hope things ease up for you soon.

simon