i see where you are coming from interesting. that does solve some things thank you.

But i guess there are a couple of issues with that.

That i dont really want to raise a child . we are both around 50 and i've raised a bunch of kids and have waited decades to finally have the last one almost out of school. I dont want the demands chatter in and out of car seats readers etc etc of having a child.

I have grandchildren. He would enjoy a life with my children and grandchildren. the last years were busy but if we end up together thats what would happen. At the moment he is rushing into this.

raising a child you need to live with the other parent. He is not capable of doing that. He has more good than bad if not living together but living together with me or anyone would be a war zone with him and with a child touching his things and making mess noise stress demands and his ocd anxiety asbergers it would be a disaster

I so dont want to lose him, so in that way your suggestion is a good one.

But i dont want to raise another child all over again for decades and with him, it would be full of stress.

if we dont live together and we enjoy my kids and grandkids that pace would suit him and me alot more as both him and me like time to ourselves, quiet, time for interests. He is in an obsessed fantasy world thinking he can cope with living with someone and having and raising a child. but theres nothing i can do but either wait or go out with other people . for the moment i'm in shock and trying to read things about getting through a life crisis staying calm coping with such shock. I really dont want to lose him but i couldnt cope with raising a child all over either, its really not what i want but i'm forced to think about it because i dont want to lose him but really it dont want to raise a child i need quiet i've done more than my share of child raisng.