You don't sound like an idiot at all.

You have struggled with these issues before, but it sounds as though your T completely invalidated your emotions and experiences. That is horrible! :sad: Gosh, all T's ought to know better by now.

The empty feeling in your chest sounds like high anxiety to me. Is it a strange pressure as well? The other symptoms certainly appear to be related to low self-esteem and depression.

Do you work? Do you have health insurance? While you're hesitant to reach out to a professional for help, I really do recommend seeing your G.P. and be honest with the emotions and experiences that you've been struggling with lately. Write a list explaining your symptoms and admit how long you've been suffering. He or she certainly has a list of T's to choose from and make an educated decision on which T's would be most helpful to you. PLEASE do reach out for professional help ~ you really do deserve it!

Don't hesitate to bring your fiance or another friend, to your visit to the G.P. for emotional support. As a second set of ears, they can help you recall advice given ~ and make certain that all of your issues were covered.

Gentle hugs to you...please take care of yourself and reach out for assistance before your symptoms worsen.