hi. I have read the posts here. And I can relate. Decades ago a therapist told me that my mother had NPD. I didnt believe or disbelieve her. I tend to not take therapists dx seriously. Sometimes they are right on. Other times, not so much.

But other people have said over the years that she is a narcissist. Tonight a friend said it to me. So I guess they all are right. The sad thing for me is that I believe all of the things she has said about me. She is abusive and has NPD. Last night I called her. She could not talk because she was on the phone. She called back an hour later to tell me that she could not talk. I was in the middle of trying to figure out something very serious. She got very upset. i told her that while this seems like it is happening to her it really is happening to me. She freaked out and would not talk to me.

Everything is about her. She is having a huge birthday. And she is a very fancy person. She was very concerned about what I am going to wear. Because this reflects on her. She told me she would dress me from her closet of designer clothing she has. I knew not to argue. Because in the end of course she would win anyway. I told her okay. She started discussing all of the clothing. I told her to please choose the clothing but do not discuss it with me. While she will get to dress me, she will figure out many ways that I am ruining things for her. Or sabotaging things for her.

I am so sick and tired of her making me feel like everything I do is my fault. And that she is the absolute center of the universe who can do no wrong. She is adored and admired by huge numbers of people. And yet she is so cruel to me and also to my brothers. Everything is about her. And nothing is good enough. I am worn out from her convincing me that I am bad and the cause of her problems. I do think she really has NPD. Enough people have called her narcissistic. If anything happens with me, it ends up being all about her somehow. Even when I was young I knew : never tell mother anything good. Because she turns it into something bad. And never tell mother a problem. Because then she turns it into her problem. And then I have to deal with my problem and her problem with it. 5 years ago when she had another big birthday party I tried to warn her that I had gained some weight. Her answer was this " well you had enough advance notice" So there was no excuses for not looking perfect for her party. I had plenty of notice that the party was going to happen. The weight should have been lost in preperation. sorry if I am going on and on. I am not happy with her right now. I feel like I am worthless yet again. Because I caused harm to her by letting her know that there is a problem with my life. This is a very terrible thing to do to her. And she got very upset about it and then called around looking for help. I called no one. And it was my problem. anyway, this is my mother. Well, the less destructive aspects of her. i would not even write the nost destructive things she does and says. Sorry this is so long. Just needed to write it. Thanks